Sunday, October 13, 2013

Amazing Alex: Colors & Emotions

"I think the words you stop yourself from saying are the ones that will haunt you the longest."
-Taylor Swift

J.o.a.l.l.a.p has officially met Week #6! Can you believe it? This weeks theme is colors. If you read my personal blog, you know that I have an obsession with Taylor Swift. Her latest album, "RED," taught me so many different things. I wanted to share my story.

I love writing songs. I think it's such an enchanting way to express my emotions. Over the past few years I've been writing songs about boys and their affects on me. I haven't spoken with this boy in 11 months and 22 days. The pain and intensity level of that heartbreak had to be put down in words and not just tears. 

I had so much emotion- heartbreak, anger, depression, rage, every emotion you could think of us was burning in my mind. All I could do was put my thoughts down onto a piece of paper- go into the heartbreak and recall the times when "sparks flew into the sky above" and then that part inside of me that kept saying that I was a "stupid girl" for going after him. (The worst part it I wasn't even dating him.)

The intensity level, once again, burns red. That color easily represents that emotion with flames, traffic lights and stop signs (which I completely ignored- stupidly.) I wrote the songs "Summer Fling Don't Mean A Thing," "I Looked At You," "Stupid Girl," Last Summer," and "What We Used To Be" about this relationship. There are hidden messages in these songs which will soon be known.

This song helped me see an emotion so painful- intensity and sadness. I see red, grey, black, and all of the leaves changing color in the mix of it all. There's so much conflict that it all breaks your heart so slowly. 

I've been staring at this guy in my homeroom and I keep finding myself writing down words about him. "You stare right through me, and suddenly I can't breathe. What we've come to know is a treacherous tragedy." Long story short, it was in seventh grade when something sparked. We found ourselves "dating" even though we barely spoke. We hugged and danced together, but I think I took the initiative to not really treat him like a real "boyfriend." He would always talk to my friends to see what I liked, what I wanted, and I saw him just as someone else. We lasted for about 5 months, now the pain will last a whole lifetime. 

All I do is write and write. I find myself 80% of the time writing about him since that's all I think about. I wrote the song "I Remember" about a year or two ago. It was just that I remember him doing this and him saying that.... and I would rewind back in time and fix everything.

This emotion is represented by just miserable colors- black, grey, and white. Then there's red- the intensity. I think that's how most relationships are- intense. Especially the breakup. It's been taking everything in me not to send him the lyrics to the song "Treacherous Tragedy" which I wrote about this one guy. If I could do that, I would take a load off my plate.

Although, at this point he probably thinks I hate him- which sucks. I wrote several songs about him including "I Remember," "I Never Stopped... Loving You," and "Treacherous Tragedy." I've written plenty more, but some of them aren't that good... or they're just really, really personal. I would love to post one of my more personal ones in the future.

Falling in love- such a beautiful essence. I see it as pink, and red, and purple. I also see gold for some odd reason. I'm currently in a relationship where I watched myself and him start to like each other- a lot, and I watched this relationship begin. 

3 months and 14 days was a really good part of my life. The best part about July 16, 2013 through September 30, 3013, the fallout, is saying that I got to share it with him. I've written the song "Coming Around" and "Something" about him. He was so honest and that's everything I wanted.

"You told me I was really pretty, my eyes lit up like New York City." I suppose that's why I see gold; when I see a relationship in the making. When someone has the affect on you, people shine, like the plasma in stars. It's beautiful.

As the fallout approached, I couldn't even do my homework in study hall. I had to write about it- the color red, and blue and grey just came crashing into me and knocking me out. In order to fight back I had to write off the sadness and intensity.

"Crashed & Burned" and "Promises & Lies" represented that really well. "It's like the sky is falling on me, making it harder to breathe" represented that sad and painful emotion that my heartbreak was putting me through. I wrote other ones throughout my free periods just to try to melt off the pain- it didn't work out too well. 

"I Love Loving You" was a song I also wrote for him. When holding his hand, I was in other place... my head was up in space, some people may say. 

Lately, I've been writing songs with "haunting emotions" I feel like those could be viewed as a deep red, bloody color, as well as a pitch black color. Some lines that I've been working on include-

"I'm tied up in swirls of misery, lost you and now I've lost me."

"Tripped into danger, all we've come to know is tears and razors."

"We hide our pain with scars, what happened to those nights when we shined like stars?"

If you're on Instagram and Tumblr, I'm sure you've discovered some of those pictures and words about people cutting and being really depressed. I've been watching a few stories about people who cut, or are anorexic on YouTube. They're so sad and depressing. 

It shatters me to pieces. 

Lately, I've been living in a world so black and white. This person has this affect on me that I can't seem to get by on. He changed my perspective- it's kind of like it's being "upgraded." I like my new "change." 

Back to the quote on the top of this post... If I don't tell this boy how I feel, I ay regret it and it will haunt me. 

Maybe everything will work out in the long run. The point of this post was to compare colors with emotions and refer to them with metaphors and similies. I hope you enjoyed this post.



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