Heheheheh, just like to tell you all that today, Thursday 26th September is my 17th birthday, just thought you'd like to know ;)
So this weeks theme is about ''Confidence'' this can be interpreted in may different ways as shown by all of us who have posted so far. I have a lot of feelings towards areas of confidence and I would like to talk to all you lovely people about confidence.
So I'm writing this post in a free class today (Wednesday) and I'm going to be writing about confidence! (exasperated joy) I have a free double class of business and we were allowed on the school computers, a rarity. I have an Irish test later on which I should probably be studying for, but priorities. (It actually turned out okay, I wrote a lot more than I expected)
So confidence, let's be honest, I sadly, have literally none. I think the amount of confidence we have depends on our self-belief and also our past, which it shouldn't be about. When you've been bullied and harassed for long amount of time, you do begin to doubt yourself and your capabilities. I had a bad few years in school due to my peers and this resulted in a lack of confidence in me. To this day, the day before my 17th birthday, (I'll be posting this on my birthday, Thursday September 26th)I'm still plagued with self doubt, fear and anxiety.
However my confidence is slowly improving, it's in the small acts of life that we require the most bravery, that decision to stick out and make a good decision to help others really and truly does boost your confidence level. I mean, I can stand in front of a crowd of people and deliver speeches, which I have done in the past, but I can barely say ''here'' when the teacher calls my name on the roll call, my voice chokes up with nerves about how I will sound and what people will think of me and my voice. Being in the biggest school in Ireland doesn't really help with confidence and anxiety, there's hundreds of people to look, stare and judge you, which, even though it's my fifth year in school, is quite intimidating and causes me some anxiety. I don't really have any tips for being confident to be honest, when I'm on a stage delivering a speech or talking in my YouTube videos, I nearly adopt an entirely new and unique persona. Being on the Internet and having a little presence here has really helped though. I know some people in school try make jokes of my blog and YouTube, I'm trying (and not failing) to not care, its their opinion and even if it's about me, I don't care any more.
I mean their words, sure they hurt a little on the inside, but they can't stab me, kill me or poison me, not literally. But if I let their words do that to me theoretically, I stand no chance of survival in this world. We all get hurt in this world and even though we don't have a choice in who hurts us, we have a say in how we react to that, and if we CHOOSE to be hurt by their comments. I've decided to not let myself be hurt, and that I hope is the beginning of having possibly true confidence if such a thing exists.
I know we all have our down days, and that's okay. Nobody is perfect, we need to learn not how to be fearless, but how to keep our fears under control (fears of a lack of confidence and so much more) That is living an examined life, expanding our wealth of knowledge, questioning and never being in a state of existence on this planet. Just because someone doesn't like you, it doesn't mean you should hide in a shell and live in silence to please them,. Do what makes you happy and above all, stay strong and happy. Don't let those people get you down.
You are worth so much more than what you think. I know it's hard to believe when you're full of inner turmoil and their words (and your mind) fuelling your despair, I've been there myself far too many times. But you can be cured, you can be fixed, you may be broken, but you can always mend yourself. The scars may remain, but you are stronger than any obstacle you will face. You have to believe in yourself and all that you are. We are as indestructible as we believe ourselves to be. Believe that you are unbreakable and you will be.
So that's my view on confidence!
'Til we meet again, (next week!)